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A Troll in Central Park Review

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“Hello, one and all,” Amaterasu began with a wave of her hand and a smile, “my name is Amaterasu.”

“And I’m Yatagarasu,” Yatagarasu jumped in with a small smile and a cheerful wave.

“And we’re keeping up with Don Bluth!” both girls said at the same time with a simple smile.

“So last time,” Ama began, “ we reviewed Don Bluth’s Thumbelina, which was about overcoming the impossible… but instead of saying “I’m Possible” in place of “impossible,” impossibility was used 19 times.”

“This time, though,” Yata said with a small frown, “we’re reviewing a bad movie by Don Bluth…”

“How bad could it be?” Ama said with a small smile.

“A Troll in Central Park,” Yata replied simply, which made Ama’s smile turn upside-down.



“Don Bluth’s worst movie?” Ama asked with a slight tone of fear. “The movie that made Nostalgia Critic lose his mind?”

“Yeah,” Yata said as a cold sweat ran down her temple, “but we’re prepared. Oreos, Snickers, milk, sweet tea, calzones, and I bought Chinese takeout just because…”

“I have drinks just in case …,” Ama said with a sweatdrop. “Let’s… just make the best of it.”

“This is A Troll in Central Park…,” both Ama and Yata said with a hesitant tone.
Before the review could start, however, Yata reached for a bottle of one of the drinks, which was strawberry-flavored, only for Ama smacking her hand away.

“Later,” Ama said with a glare. “Now’s not the time.”

“Man~…,” Yata said with a sweatdrop. “The one time I needed a drink before a movie started.”

A Troll in Central Park Review Begin</i>

“Our little adventure begins in what seems to be…,” Ama began, tilting her head. “A troll’s underground dream home.”

“This is the Kingdom of Trolls, of course,” Yata says with a slight nod. “Gloomy and dark, ain’t it? Well, too bad. Our protagonist is here.”

(Stanley: *is seen running around*)

“Pfft! What the hell?” Ama said with a giggle. “That’s not a troll. That’s a wannabe hobbit! What’s he doing here?”

“That’s our protagonist,” Yata says with a sigh. “He’s Stanley, the “good” troll who has a magic green thumb that makes the most outlawed things of all in the Kingdom of Trolls: … which are flowers.”

“… you can have it,” Ama mumbled just as she gave the bottle to Yata, who gladly took it from her.

“So, this happens…,” Ama said, pointing out the scene as Yata chugged her drink.

(Troll: Say, what was that? *laughs derpily* For a minute, I thought I saw one of them… flower things! *chuckles* That’s a relief! I sure hate to have to tell the Queen! Well, have a rotten day. *walks away; singing* I’m a bad troll. A very bad troll.)

“Oh, boy,” Ama said with a small “oh, sh*t” smile. “This is gonna be one of those movies… those movies that have those weird songs whereas the voice acting is as bad as 4Kid’s dub of anything…”

“Don’t dwell on it,” Yata said, throwing the bottle away. “So after a while of running, we get to Stanley’s room, which – oh, for f*ck’s sake…”

(Stanley: Hello, my pretties. Hello, hello, hello! Daddy’s home. *laughs*)

“Okay, bottoms up,” Ama said as she opened her drink and poured it into a wine glass. “Yata, you continue on.”

“Well, filler happens,” Yata stated while Ama drank down her drink in two sips, “then the other trolls figure out that Stanley broke the one rule. And for breaking it, they have to take him to…”

(Soldier Troll: GNORGA!!)

“Okay…,” Ama said with a sweatdrop. “Don Bluth, its one thing to make up a name and run with it, like you did with the characters of A Land Before Time. This, though, makes a name like… like… “Apollo Justice” sound like a normal name compared to Gnorga.”

“Let’s just move to our first song of the movie,” Yata said as she grabbed a Snickers bar. “And what do you think it’s about? Gnorga, of course!”



“Uhh…,” Ama said with a tilt of her head. “This is pointless… too pointless for words.”

“God,” Yata said with a frown, “Barry Manilow’s “Marry the Mole” had a plot point compared to this! Next!!”

(“Gnorga, The Queen of Mean”: pointless and narcissistic)

“So, after Gnorga finishes her song,” Yata said with a bite of her Snickers bar, “she hears of Stanley’s deeds, and she gives him the sentence of… what else?”

(Gnorga: Stone him!)

“Can I join in?” Ama asked, picking up a rock in the process. “I wanna stone him, too!”

“Lest you wanna break the TV, no,” Yata said, snatching the rock away from Ama before she could throw it. “Besides, her husband… Llort, from what I can make of it… decides on an alternative, which is banishment.”

(Llort: I know a place of rock and steel, and nothing grows! Nothing!)

“Have you heard of Mother Nature?” Ama asked with a raised eyebrow. “Unless you’re in a tundra or Antarctica, you’ll grow anything.”

“So… without knowing where the area he’s talking about is located,” Yata began, “she randomly sends Stanley elsewhere.”

“Okay, why do I see New York?” Ama asked as they see the scene where Stanley is sent into New York.

“Why do you think this movie’s called A Troll in Central Park</u>?” Yata asked with a slow move of her head, looking at Ama as if to say “add two and two together.”

“… flowers grow in Central Park!!” Ama exclaimed, realizing what had just happened. “Gnorga, you should at least know the whereabouts before you freaking banish someone to a place where “nothing grows” or whatever the hell you’re sending him!!”

“Okay, moving on,” Yata said, wanting to get the review over with. “The moviegoers play “Dragon’s Lair” for a while due to a long-ass chase scene, and after even more filler, he ends up under a bridge.”

“Never thought we’d seethe Grumpy Old Troll’s ugly cousin,” Ama said, stifling a giggle.



“Before we lose our minds,” Yata said, “Stanley stays under the bridge and falls asleep on some tobacco plants… or… reefer plants… I don’t frickin’ know. Then we move to a family.”

(Dad: Hillary, have you seen my briefcase?
Hillary: In your hand, dear.)

“Okay, British-sounding parents,” Ama said with a small smile. “Cool. We’re gonna have British-sounding children, too!”

(Boy: And then Dad and me are gonna see on the boat, and we’re gonna have ice cream, and I’m gonna have double chocolate!)

“American-sounding children…?” Ama said with a tilt of her head. “Okay, I’m no scientists, but I think the kids are gonna have to get a British accent at the age the boy is. The baby girl, I understand, but the boy… not so much.”

“Well, the boy – Gus – wants to go out with his dad,” Yata began, “but the Dad and Mom have to work. The Dad is a lawyer and the Mom is a real estate agent. After hearing the word “later” when it came to the park, Gus throws a temper tantrum.”

(Gus: It’s always has to be later! Why can’t we ever do what I wanna do! I wanna do what I wanna do!)

“… He’s at least more tolerable than that boy from Mars Needs Moms,” Ama said as she tries to not lose her temper. “But I would smack him if he did that to me.”

“Aside from that,” Yata cuts in, “both parents leave with the children in Maria’s care, I guess… and Gus decides to take Rosie – the baby sister – to Central Park with him, like the brat he is.”

“Welp,” Ama says with a sigh, “say goodbye to the only character who hasn’t said a single word throughout the whole move.
“Filler happens here and there, and Rosie follows Stanley while… somehow knowing what a troll is?”

“Moving it along…,” Yata says, “we find that this movie is even more filler as Stanley shows Rosie what he’s capable of doing with his magical green thumb.”

“… is this all it is?” Ama asked with a raised eyebrow as the scene goes on. “Pointless filler…?”

“Oh, and this happens,” Yata simply said, pointing out the scene.

(*Rosie gives Stanley a kiss on the nose, and Stanley’s reaction is happy as he jumps all over the place.*)

“This is not a normal!” Ama shouted. “No one should act like that, especially in a place known as Central Park!”

(Stanley: Oh, please! Tell me your name!
Rosie: Rosie!
Stanley: *gasps in surprise* Did you hea-? Rosie! Oh, yes! I like that a lot! *chuckles slightly* I like you a lot!)

(A/N: for a few seconds, of course)

“…,” Ama and Yata could just stare at the screen, then they looked at each other in awkwardness.

“Well… this just got awkward,” Ama said with a “where the f*ck did that come from” expression. “Let’s continue.”

“But we have a song coming up,” Yata says with a scratch of her head.

“Oh, man~!” Ama sighed in complaint upon hearing the word “song.”



“Umm…,” Ama began, trying to say something. “What is there to say about this song?”

“It tells us about… erm…,” Yata says, but loses her train of thought while listening to the song. “I don’t get this song.”

“Neither do I,” Ama said with a tilt of her head. “This is the first time I never understood a song. Should we move on?”

“Might as well,” Yata says with a sigh of relief. “What’s the point of listening again if we don’t understand such a song?”

(“Absolutely Green”: confusing)

“So, Gus literally slides on in,” Yata says, “and he meets Stanley because of Rosie pulling him out. Gus’s reaction upon seeing him…”

(Gus: Talking flowers~… this is weird.)

“I’ve seen weirder,” Ama said. “But Gus wants to leave with Rosie, which causes the latter to cry. So… her crying actually grabs the Queen’s attention… which is odd…”

(Queen Gnorga: Ooh, she sounds so~ miserable~!)

“There are other children, of course,” Ama said as she rubbed her temple.

“More filler happens,” Yata says with a sigh, “and it continues on because… the flowers dance… just to make Rosie smile…”

“I don’t get this movie,” Ama said with a sweatdrop. “I’ll never understand this movie. Whatever, as it brings the smile back onto Rosie’s face! This doesn’t last long, though, as the Queen finds out that Stanley is alive.”

“This causes the Queen to get pretty damn angry,” Yata says. “But upon seeing how angry and rude Gus is, she puts on a raincoat and grabs a magical umbrella, and forces Gus to fill in Alice’s shoes and cry us a river… literally.”

“At least he ain’t as big as Alice was,” Ama admitted, scratching her head. “Stanley uses his green thumb to make… Gus’s boat big?! I thought he grew flowers with that thumb! When was he able to make a toy boat into a normal-sized boat!? This is some Ponyo sh*t going on here!”

“So… the reason this boat grew because…?” Yata said, trialing off in confusion.

(Stanley: You believed in saving your sister so much, that for just a moment… your power was stronger than Gnorga’s!)

“… eh?” Ama said with a tilt of her head. “Forget it. Stanley explains that anything that’s real starts with a dream. So… the boat is a dream boat…
“Whose idea was that…? Reality doesn’t start with a dream! God created Earth in 7 days, I get that, but still, he didn’t dream it. He said “let there be light” and so on and so forth, and the planet we live on today was created!”

“Before Ama loses her mind,” Yata cut in just before Ama could continue, “a waterfall appears underneath the boat, and just before they could crash, the boat… flies? And why is that?”

(Stanley: This is my dream, and no one’s getting hurt in my dreams.)

“Okay, this is not how dreams work,” Ama said with a sweatdrop. “Before we move on, though, there’s a song to be played… I hope this is the last song of the movie.”



“The point of this song is to explain to the audience what his dream is,” Yata says with a sigh.

“Who cares what the message of the song is conveying?” Ama asked, getting to a boiling point as the song plays out. “Yes, the choir is lovely, but still… dreams aren’t made with wishes from the heart. Dreams become a goal, and a goal is something you can reach if you work hard for it. God, Tiana from The Princess and the Frog makes much more sense than Stanley does! Oh, and can I say that this dream is Alabasta, Dressrosa, and Water 7 thrown in if a One Piece fan got high as f*ck?”

“Ama, let’s just move on before you lose it like Nostalgia Critic did,” Yata said as she handed a pack of Oreos and a bottle of her (Ama’s) unfinished drink to the dark-haired woman.

(“Welcome to My World”: twisted message and has no point)

“So, we see Gus’s dream,” Yata continued on, “but that’s filler. Then Rosie, Stanley, and Gus fall asleep because… the movie is drunk, that’s why.”

“Gnorga then sees Stanley is still alive,” Ama said, “which makes f*cking assassins laugh at them. She then decides to destroy Central Park using a tornado she created.”

“More filler passes by,” Yata says, pointing out the more filler that she fastfowards away from, “Gus and Rosie find Central Park in shatters… looking like the woods from Beauty and the Beast. They then decide to go home after seeing just how disastrous Central Park’s become, and…”

(*Gnorga looks around the corner to see the kids, and as she silently laughs evilly as she and Llort ride on tricycles.*)

“Okay, okay,” Ama said with a giggle, “I hate to say it, but you guys officially made Spandam more menacing than Gnorga and Llort.”

“So a chase scene occurs,” Yata says with a sigh, “and after countless epic fails, Rosie is captured by Gnorga and Llort. Gus – after realizing this – gets Stanley to help him. What happens, though?”

(Stanley: But what can I do?!
Gus: What about your powers, Mr. You-Gotta-Believe Green Thumb?!
Stanley: Oh, no, no, no! My precedigitation* is no match for Gnorga’s magic!
Gus: Oh, sure! You’re just saying that ‘cause you’re scared to fight her!)

“Yeah, you tell that Hobbit-wannabe!” Ama said with a frown.

“Finally, someone has balls,” Yata said with a sigh of relief. “Well, Gus realizes that he can’t get help from Stanely because… well, he doesn’t wanna be “rockegnized” by Gnorga. And guess what Gus calls him~.”

(Gus: You’re a coward!)

“I would’ve called him a “coward who can’t do crap,” but that’ll do,” Ama said with a shrug.

“Gus… somehow finds the place,” Yata continued on, scratching her head in confusion, “and after pointless filler, Gus sneaks in and gets Rosie out of a rather easy cage to get out of… though it makes sense in context because Rosie’s a baby.”

“Then another chase scene happens,” Ama says with a slight nod, “but Gnorga turns Gus into a troll… and he’s got a thumb that turns animate and inanimate objects to stone… the f*ck was the point of turning Gus into a friggin’ troll if you’re gonna give him that power?!”

“It’s a rather… dumb plot point,” Yata explains, putting air quotes in the words plot point. “Rosie runs towards the cliff because she knows no better, and she falls down the cliff because the rocks under her gave in.”

“Stanley’s arrived on the dream boat and he saved Rosie,” Ama began as the scene where Gus cries comes into play. “Stanley’s arrived on the dream boat and he saved Rosie. Stanley’s-“

(*Stanley arrives on the dream boat, and he saves Rosie.*)

“Yeah, we all saw that one coming,” Yata said with a shrug. “Anyways, Stanley drops down on to the ground to face Gnorga, and… literally declares a thumb war.”

“Well, Stanley gains the upper hand as roses sprout on Gnorga,” Ama said, “which makes him… the winner…?”

“Stanley, Gus, and Rosie leave on the dream boat,” Yata began, “but that plot point about turning Gus into a troll kicks in, as she controls Gus’s thumb and touches Stanley with the thumb.”

“I would like to throw in an “I WAS FROZEN TODAY” joke,” Ama began, scratching her head, “but he’s stoned.”

“Either way, Gnorga turns into a rose bush,” Yata says in a confused tone. “And Gus turns back into a real boy.”

“The next day arrives, and Gus finds the stoned Stanley,” Ama says. “His dad comes outside to talk to him, and they have a closure that’s somewhat better than Chicken Little and his dad’s closure.”

“So the parents take Gus and Rosie to the destroyed Central Park,” Yata continued on, “and they placed the stoned Stanley onto a rock pedestal. Gus’s thumb turns green, and he touches Stanley to see if it works, but it doesn’t. As soon as they walk away, though, they turn and see that Stanley is alive, which gives us this reprise, which we still don’t understand.”

“So it ends with the children and parents happy,” Ama says with a small smile, “and Stanley grows Central Park and soon makes the whole city green… which is kinda weird… Oh, well, the movie’s done!”

A Troll in Central Park Review End
“And that was A Troll in Central Park,” Ama said with a confused expression, “and… what’s the point of this movie?
“Through it all, I was looking for story, character development, and some sort of scary effects like The Secret of NIMH. Seriously, in the beginning, you had me thinking that this was gonna be somewhat like The Secret of NIMH, but you pulled a backwards Ringing Bell on us and make… this</i> monstrosity.”

“Not only was there little to no character development like Thumbelina,” Yata said, moving the results on, “but while the animation is good, parts don’t truly fit the so-called “story” going on. Oh, and unlike Thumbelina, there was no story to run with. You got lucky the last time because Thumbelina is based off a fairy tale.”

“Other than that,”Ama said with a sigh, “you could’ve at least given someone character development… like Gus. This movie should’ve been about Gus and how he’s learned to respect the parents! I saw some development of him, but it’s not enough! … then again, at least he’s not like the boy from Mars Needs Mom. God, I hate that boy.”

“Hope you enjoyed the review, though!” Yata said with a smile. “I’m Yatagarasu!”

“And I am Amaterasu,” Ama said with a small smile.

Au revior,” Ama and Yata said together as they waved the audience goodbye.

A Troll in Central Park
Songs: pointless and make no sense to the “story”
Character Development: kinda see it in Gus, but not in others
Animation: beautiful, but unoriginal
Stars: 1/5
Buy, Borrow, or Burn: Burn
Wow, two reviews in two days? That's a record. :XD:

So, I think I nearly lost my brain while reviewing this movie. I didn't lose my mind like Nostalgia Critic did, but I was confused to a point where I decide to at least take a break on my brain and walk away from the movie.. oh, and I'm not watching this movie ever again.

If you love this movie because it was your childhood, I'm sorry. We all have opinions, and I respect your opinions just as much as you respect mine. Before I leave, just want to let you guys know: might do a review on a good movie this time. Hope you enjoy this review.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these videos or A Troll in Central Park. All rights go to their creators.

A Troll in Central Park (C) Don Bluth
A Troll in Central Park songs (C) Don Bluth, Barry Mann, and a few others
Videos (C) Their rightful owners
© 2015 - 2024 MissAmaterasu18
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MarioGuyMCMXC's avatar
Okay how about the following reviews:
Rock-a-Doodle
The 2000 Grinch (must be done in rhyme)
The 2003 Cat in the Hat (must also be done in rhyme)
Thomas and the Magic Railroad
The Avengers (1998)